Facing My Mom-tality

Everyone is going to die. That is a morbid truth in this world. Pending the Rapture, everyone will some day die. I feel as if a part of me already has. The spontaneous, perky, loud-mouthed, hockey-loving, stout-drinking, reckless, singer passed away at some point between conception of my son and his birth. And with him was born a sleep-deprived zombie of a woman with split-ends, crowsfeet, saggy skin, and stretch marks.
When I turned 21, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do or accomplish before I turn 30. 4 years later, I’ve actually accomplished most of the things on my list
Own a home. Check.
See Dave Matthews live in concert. Check.
Run a 1/2 marathon. Check.
Start a family. Check.
Become a certified yoga instructor. Check…tentatively until my graduation next month.
But the backpacking trip across Europe hasn’t happened, nor has the completion of my bachelor’s degree or the Broadway stardom. And I’ve been recently mourning the loss of the person with those dreams. At 25, I think it’s time for a new list so here’s what I’ve got so far:
Serve and honor God
Walk close to Jesus
Maintain cleanliness and order in my home
Make sure my family knows I love them
Be compassionate to myself and others
Be kind to myself and others
Semper Gumby: always flexible
I may never finish college, or visit Europe, or any number of other exciting things I set out to do in my earlier twenties… And that’s okay. Because a life lived in acceptance of each moment and with wisdom from experience is a life well lived. My life is different and humble and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. One day, my child will be grown and independent; I won’t be needed in his life the way I am now. My husband will eventually age (maybe… I still think he’s found some miraculous anti-aging secret) and we’ll be less fit and attractive than we are now (tooting my own horn a bit.) That is one of the sweetest and saddest realizations I’ve ever had. I need to relish each moment with my family. And I needn’t mourn my 21 year old self when there’s still a life to live and celebrate; mine.

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