Guys- I really miss having time to just sit and think.
I’ve always been a writer; keeping various journals and diaries. I’ve saved numerous letter correspondences, specifically those from my husband’s time at boot camp because they show the marked and rapid progression of faith in Christ at work in us during that time. Perhaps when I die, they’ll be chronicled in a university library somewhere like those of C.S. Lewis… Doubtful. But I’ll keep them anyway.
But lately in this season of life (I hate that expression, but it is apt) I have found that I no longer have the time I once had to sit and think about things of faith, or philosophy, or…anything other than meeting the next immediate needs of my children.
I miss it.
I miss reading Augustine. I miss reading philosophy for funsies, like Joseph Pieper’s Leisure, the Basis of Culture. I miss thinking big thoughts and pondering the ideas of intellectual giants.
I know this season will not last forever, much like the wintery snow still falling in March. And I know my babies will never be as small and dependent on me as they are in this moment. So I’m met with a bittersweetness of enjoying being the most important person in their lives and desiring to cultivate a rich thought life as I did before they were born.
I harmonize those two things by dreaming big dreams for my kids, and encouraging them to think, to learn, and to reason. For 2,3, and 4 year olds, that looks a lot like learning diplomacy and generosity through sharing toys. It looks like creating conversation around the breakfast table and inspiring their creativity via my Bach, Brahms, and Salieri Spotify playlists, fingerpaints, and playdough.
Mothering is full of small things. But the endeavor itself I’m learning is much bigger than the smallness of those things; it’s speaking life into their little souls each day through training, discipline, and education, all the while attempting (and frequently falling short) to model Christ for them.
Thank God for His grace and for allowing me to walk this journey.