As my son nears his 1st birthday, I have a few things to get off my chest. In descending order from least to most offensive, here are my top 10 Mom Confessions.
10.) I hate children’s music. The wheels on the bus set my teeth on edge. My son has a Dave Matthews Lullaby CD, because he knows what’s good.
9.) I salt veggies and fed him peanut butter and honey. Sometimes you just need your kid to eat something. Lightly salted peas aren’t going to kill anyone, and I’ve NEVER heard of ANYONE getting botulism from a teaspoon of honey. Peanut butter and honey is like baby crack cocaine and it makes him bend to my will, and I’ll be darned if I won’t use every tool in my box to control my monster toddler.
8.) I bathe my kid once a week…usually. There are times he’s sticky beyond the capacity of a baby wipe to fix, and he usually gets baths before Church on Sunday. But as long as he isn’t the stinky kid, I’m not losing my mind giving him a bath that makes him scream nightly. Mommy can’t handle it.
7.) I hate spending time with other moms. Nothing against you stellar moms out there, it’s just that conversation inevitably goes in the direction of our kids and I savor my rare moments of adult conversation too much to spend them talking about poops, pees, and other small victories. Discuss great literature with me! Talk to me about my bucket list! Let’s go eat a whole pizza at Mellow Mushroom and not feel guilty about not sharing and actually just enjoy a hot meal for once! (Shout out to my sister in law for keeping me sane in this area.) I love my son, beyond anything I ever thought I could. But I am still a person with dreams and goals and interests outside of my awesome little carbon copy.
6.) I pretend not to hear my son crying some nights so my husband will get up with him. My son isn’t a sleeper. He runs on about 2 hours at a time. We’ve done sleep training and we get consistent nights of 8 hours of sleep about 3 times a week. My husband is truthfully better at getting our little guy back to bed quickly, so sometimes, I let him.
5.) I didn’t buy my son anything for Christmas. I put money into his college fund, and let the grandparents, aunts and uncles buy toys and clothes. He’ll thank me one day when he’s attending university debt-free, or buying a car with what we’ve saved for him.
4.) I’m not throwing him a birthday party. It’s really not something he’ll remember, he’d rather play with paper towel rolls than toys, and my closest family is 6 hours away. Sure, we’ll have the obligatory smash cake, but I’m not breaking the bank for a party that’ll just stress me out and that he won’t remember anyway.
3.) My son doesn’t have shoes. Call it what you will- I’m making sure he isn’t flat footed as an adult. I’ll put socks on him in public, but inside, outside, upsidedown, he goes barefoot and LOVES it.
2.) I didn’t adapt my schedule to his, I fit him in to mine. Everyone kept saying that my life would never be the same. Well to a degree that’s true. I have an extra person’s needs to filter my thoughts through when making a decision, I have another mouth to feed when I cook dinner, I have more laundry to wash, and I have a cool little dude who looks like a smaller version of my husband running around the house pantsless and barefoot. Everything takes about 20 minutes longer than it used to, and I’m a lot more cautious. But I still read my Bible, I still work out, I still do all the things I used to, just with a tiny dude along side me.
1.) I love my husband more than my kid(s). To be fair, I love God more than my husband. And that’s why after 8 years, 1.25 kids (baby #2 due in November), my husband and I are still married. Not only that, he still gives me butterflies! Neither of us are in as good of shape as we were 8 years ago, and we don’t get intimate times nearly as often, but we’re stronger than ever and it’s because my husband knows he comes 2nd. Loving God first enables me to love my husband unconditionally as God loves me. And loving my kid 3rd ensures that he knows he is in a secure home because mommy and daddy are in love no matter what, and the “D” word isn’t even in our vocabulary. In 18 years, I want my son to grow up, move out, and find a nice young woman to share his life with. That’s not what I want for my husband. Therefore, 1) God 2) Husband 3) Children.