I’ve been in a weird place with our transition to our new church. I’ve felt loved, and encouraged, but at the same time, there’s a feeling kind of like a cute new pair of shoes; they look great, but they aren’t broken in and they still feel a little weird. Like, when you buy a new pair of dress shoes, you see the potential for function, style, and you get excited to wear them. But if you put them on and immediately tried to walk in them for 5 miles, you’d probably find places that rub, and end up with irritating blisters. And I don’t want blisters that would discourage me from putting on those shoes again.
That’s how I feel at church lately; I’m trying on the shoes and wearing them a little bit at a time to break them in. I want to find and develop a good fit. I don’t want to take on so many roles and responsibilities that I end up discouraged and overwhelmed. That’s not to say I’m not going to serve, that would be ridiculous. But the danger of being the new girl at a small church is the expectation for participation in every single ministry. And with my children, pregnancy, and current responsibilities, I feel it would be imprudent to bite off more than I can chew right off the bat; I’m not going to run a marathon in new dress shoes.
Through this transition, I keep hearing from the Lord that I need to take responsibility for feeding myself on His word. It’s funny, there are days when I forget to eat. It’s not that I don’t get hungry. I do. It’s just that often times, I allow my children, my huband, or my household responsibilities to distract me from food. The same is true in my spiritual life. I really struggle with consistently feeding on God’s Word. There’s the quote, “The Bible is meant to be daily bread, not cake for special occasions.”
Being allergic to wheat gluten, that metaphor is really lost on me.
I get it, this world is broken, and I look forward to my resurrection body that isn’t broken by allergies.
But literal physical issues aside, I get to a point in my day where I’m just plain hungry! I can’t think about anything other than satisfying that hunger. And I can’t focus on anything else until I’ve taken the time to feed myself.
Especially in this time of transition, when my inclination is to isolate, over-commit, and neglect my own spiritual health, God has been gently reminding me that I have to nourish myself on His Word. I have to cling tightly to my Savior so the Holy Spirit can lead me into those areas of ministry which I can best serve others and most glorify Him.
So I’m taking it slow in these new shoes, and I’m letting the Holy Spirit walk me through this newness as I feed consistently on Scripture.